When Life Gets Hard, 4 Types of People Show Up

When life gets hard, people come out of the woodwork. Everyone wants to help.

But not everyone who shows up during your darkest moments is actually there for you…

Some are there for themselves. And figuring out the difference? That can make or break your healing journey.

Now, I've been trained on how to spot the 4 types of teammates that show up during your darkest moments. And I want to show you how to look out for them.

1. The Distractors

These beautiful souls acknowledge, honor, and respect your grief… And even though the heaviness isn’t their jam, they still help provide emotional rest from it.

They're the ones suggesting activities or having discussions on other topics. Because grief is like a workout – you can only handle intense periods for so long before you need rest.

2. The Doers

These are people who like to take action and help with practical tasks. Planning events, running errands, cooking meals, managing bills, and handling logistics.

Their help frees up your energy so you can focus more on your healing process.

3. The Listeners

The rarest of all. These people can shelf their own emotional experience to hold yours. No "at least" comments. No "it will get better when" platitudes. No "when I went through this..." advice.

They truly listen to the deepest parts of your pain and ask how you want to be supported. But because listening is so difficult, it's often important to have a trained counselor or coach fill this role.

4. The X-ers (The most dangerous one)

These are people who have patterns of inserting themselves into drama or being the ones who spread information.

They can seem very, very helpful. They might even act like they're in a coaching or mentor role. But it's actually about power, control, ego, gossip, and drama.

They thrive on drama and chaos, making them the sneakiest threat to your healing.

But here's an interesting twist… You can actually leverage them as your "PR agency” by sharing information with them that you want distributed to wider circles (just be strategic about what you tell them).

Now, not everyone can meet your needs, but each person can meet something.

It helps to position people in roles that align with their natural strengths and communication styles… rather than asking them to support in ways that don't come naturally to them.

Think of it like Tom Brady – if you put him as a running back, he would have been terrible. But position him as quarterback? Legend. You've got to position people to win.

So if you're navigating something difficult right now, take a moment to identify your support team.

Who are your distractors? Your listeners? Your doers? And most importantly... who are the X-ers you need to keep in check? This awareness can change everything.

With love and light,
Melissa 🖤

P.S. I dive way deeper into these 4 teammate types in my book "Scar Tissue" - especially how to handle the X-ers without cutting them off completely.